One of the most vital ingredients of success is self-trust. It is the confidence that you deserve the best, you can have the best, and you are willing to pay the price to have the best. Without self-trust, it is very difficult or impossible to develop trust in relationships, friendships, and in the workplace. Also, it has negative effects on confidence, perceived competence, and the risks we are willing to take. According to Ralph Waldo Emerson, self-trust is the first secret to success, the essence of heroism.
Why don’t we trust ourselves fully?
A lack of self-trust is not inherited. We are not born with it; it comes from some negative results, experiences, environments, and interpretation of events. To solve a problem, we must first accept that it exists and find its real cause.
One of the biggest catalysts of low self-trust is making promises to ourselves and breaking them. It doesn’t matter who made the promise; when a promise is broken, it leads to lower expectations next time, even if you made the promise to yourself. It gets worse when you make promises to others and continuously fail to keep them. They begin to perceive you as not worthy of their trust, and you begin to agree with them because they are right.
If you are in the company of those who are not trustworthy, you will see yourself as not worthy of your trust over time. The company you keep can rub off on you and eventually affect your perception of yourself. Whatever you do, never lose your identity under the power of negative influence.
No Proven Track Record
Self-trust and confidence are often built on the wings of a proven track record of performance, innovation, and affirmation. Without a strong track record, you are likely not going to trust yourself to perform at certain top levels. This will affect your faith in yourself to deliver on promises and rise to challenges.
Everyone else seems to be having a good life while nothing much is happening in yours. When you live in a culture where everyone creates an impression of perfection through social media and other virtual reality aspects, it reduces self-trust confidence. It is a culture-induced pressure that you need to do more to be more like the superstar performers portrayed online with lots of likes and retweets.
One of the biggest challenges to self-trust is a constant obsession with what is not working in our lives, ignoring the successes, the impact we are making, and the influence we are wielding daily. While we may never entirely escape our “problems,” focusing too much on the not perfect things gives us a negative personal image.
Manifestations of Lacking Self Trust
Lack of commitment
A constant lack of commitment to tasks, promises, and relationship is huge evidence of a lack of self-trust. People who are sure of themselves are willing to go over and above to make this work, from relationships to promises to tasks and responsibilities.
When you begin to see inconsistent results in anything you are doing, it may be due to a lack of self-trust.
This is perhaps the biggest indication that you lack confidence in your ability and commitment. It involves actions and inactions that guarantee failure and reduces performance. It involves failing to show up at critical points simply because you are afraid, ashamed, shy, or just entangled with something else of smaller importance. It also involves some severe negative thoughts that keep you from what you desire the most.
How To Gain Self Trust
I think cultivating a sense of trusting yourself has three essential components:
Ingredient #1: Make a decision
Ingredient #2: Dedicated & disciplined action
Ingredient #3: Taking care of oneself
We often feel that it’s unsafe to trust ourselves as if we need approval from some higher authority or someone you do trust. What if we could feel safe to trust the ideas and beliefs from within? We would feel confident to speak our truths, blaze our trails, and feel empowered to fulfill our purposes in life.
I believe that trust from within starts when we deeply know and connect with ourselves. Often, we identify with everything in the external world and never truly have the chance to get to know who we truly are. When you know who you are, you know what you want. You also know your boundaries, your desires, and where to go, and what to do. Indecision and confusion begin to fall away when you know yourself.
Belief and reinforcement:
Like any other thoughts in mind, it’s essential to monitor and counteract the thoughts that keep you from your truest goal. Reinforce the notion that you are trustworthy, believe in what you believe, and stand firm in your convictions.